Finding Insanity on the Ganges...

The fortune teller was only half right...we would eventually lose our minds...but much before forty! In fact, all it took was one overnight train ride for us to end up in the craziest place we have been to thus far in India...In fact, probably the craziest place we have been to in the world!

Varanasi, is described as one of the holiest places in India, however, don't let that fool you. There is very little peace and quiet in this crazy town! Situated along the Ganges, it is a spot where anything can happen. Arriving late on our first night there we were forced to take a mosquito infested room along the southern part of the city. We immediately got up the next morning and walked along the river looking for a better place. As you walk up the river there is Ghat (stairs) after Ghat leading into the river. Each Ghat seems to have it's own character AND cast of charaters that hang out there. There are MANY annoying little kids that will try to sell you anything they can. Usually, it is some faded postcard or flower bowl (to float in the river) that you would really only buy because you feel sorry for the kid. In addition to them there are hundreds (if not thousands) of boatmen trying to get you to go for a boat ride. In addition them there are dogs, cows, buffalo, goats, birds & monkeys all hanging out along the river as well. To top it off, at some of the ghats, there are indians building large fires and burning dead people as it is a very auspicious place to die and be cremated. Thus, a typical afternoon walk include sights, sounds and smells, like you cannot describe. In our heads every night we would dream the sounds of Varanasi...."boat madam...flowers 5 rupees...postacards, free to look...where are you from sir...very nice country...halo, i'd like to practice my english...i don't sell you anything...would like a shave...please come to my silk shop...massage very good, only 10 rupees...i give you very cheep...moo moo...bahh...boat madam?...etc...etc..etc..."

As crazy as this all sounds, this is our favorite place in India thus far. There is an energy to the city that is unmatched and with every corner you turn there is something else totally out-of-this-world going on. The Old Town is straight out of a movie set with narrow winding streets, barely two people wide, that somehow accomodate the cows, motorbikes, large carts of food, crowds of pilgrams and everything else that tries to navigate the maze of streets. Many shops are simply a little nook in the wall, just large enough for someone to sit with a stove, or sewing machine or scale to weigh the food they are selling. Then there are the little "shave/barber shops" where for rs 10 (25 cents) I got the closest shave I have ever had. Also with every corner you turn there is some EXTREMELY friendly Indian who is just dying to show you his silk shop! If you agree, he will take you into a small room, serve you chai and layout about 100 large pieces of fabric in front of you trying to get you to buy a shirt or scarf... At first it is nice to get the free chai, but after the 10th time it get's a little old trying to explain to them that you don't really need anymore silk. They are master salesman and have an answer for everything. At night there are ceremonies along the water with great music. We stayed in a wonderful room overlooking the Ganges and woke up to the sunrise through our window and the sounds of all the Indians come to bathe at the Ghat.

Some of our favorite Varanasi memories are...

1) One afternoon, we decided to take a boat to get to one of the ghats that we wanted to visit. There was an older boatman with large glasses outside our guesthouse who looked so sweet and we decided to give him the job. Unfortunately, we realized that the large glasses were of no help to him as he seemed almost blind trying to navigate his boat along the river. Often the other boats would scream at him as he would almost crash the boat into theirs. Children would be crying as he would catch their kites in his oars. Oblivious to all this he just kept rowing at a snails pace...actually much slower that a snails pace! Along this 3 hour voyage (which should have taken 10 minutes!) we saw this young Indian man jump in the river, scoop up some water and take a drink of this holy river...then less than 10 yards away we spotted a young Indian girl leaning over the railing with her butt sticking out over the Ganges, giggling as little rabbit-like turds fell from her butt into the river...we decided not to go for a swim on this trip...

2) Another afternoon as we were passing by the Main Ghat, a old man approached us offering his hand, "halo". I went to shake his hand and he grabbed mine and started massaging it...next thing in know I am on a mat on the ground and three guys are giving me a full body massage..."how nice!" I thought...The entire time they said "you pay us what you want"...Of course when it was all over, they looked disappointed when all I paid them was rs 100. I explained to them that generally it is not a good idea to grab people and throw them on the ground without negociating a price first. They half-heartedly smiled to me as I walked away...needless to say I never shook anyone's hand again at the Main Ghat.

3) Scams are all over Varanasi, and after a while you expect them and can spot them a mile away. However, the smoothest one we encountered was this guy named Raj. He approached us one day as we were walking and started talking to us. He spoke very good english and was very charming. As we got more comfortable with him he offered to take us to some out of the way spots to show us some cool things in the city. He actually showed us some things we would have never found, however, after two days of this "innocent tour guide" thing he went in for the kill. Slying suggesting that we see this very old silk bedspread, he dragged us into a silk "factory" where some guy layed out a stack of silk bedspreads in front of us and tried to get us to give him our credit card to buy one or more of them. Of course, we had no interest in buying anything and tried to explain this to the man, who seemed very frustrated. We finally said that we would talk it over and come back if we were interested. As we left, we saw that our dear friend Raj was not so excited to hang out with us. Within 10 minutes, he excused himself and off he went. Later that night some friends/competition of Raj approached us in the Old City and asked if Raj had been successful in getting us to buy silks. We said no and they looked pleased. Sorry Raj! But thanks for the free tour!

As we left Raj and entered the Main Ghat craziness, this man approached us from behind and said, "Sir, would you like to see my shit shop?"...at first I thought he said "silk shop" and I felt the frustration come over me, but then as he continues we just started to laugh and laugh..."really I have the nicest shit shop in all of Varanasi. We sell all kinds of shit...cow shit, horse shit, monkey shit, bull shit...we have shit shirts, shit scarfs, shit postcards...everything is shit...why don't you want to buy my shit?" as we laugh and kept walking he paused and said, "you don't want to come to my shop? Ahh shit!". His timing could not have been more perfect and we looked for him later that day, but could never find him again. It was like he existed just for that moment to make us laugh and forget our frustration. Ah, maybe that is the magic of Varanasi!

So much to tell about Varanasi, including sleeping in the train station overnight waiting for our train to Khajuraho...delayed by 12 hours! We are tired of typing those so the rest of the stories will have to wait to be told over a glass of wine in NYC.

Off to the erotic temples. We miss you all.

Love, Kevin & Leslie

PS: We will let you know all about the sex temples of Khajuraho next time. We travel then to Orcha and Agra. To our delight, my (Kevin's) parents at the last minute decided to change their travel plans of going to Peru to join us in India for a camel trek. We are going to hope to connect with them in Agra to see the Taj Mahal and then head to Jodhpur for the camel trek. Sure to be some great stories to come...